Research has consistently shown that Christmas is one of the worst times for relationships and while Christmas itself is not the cause of divorces, the stress it brings is often the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Obviously, a happy marriage can survive a few weeks of stress but there are many relationships that are fragile and only need a little push to head for meltdown.
One of the main underlying reasons for a relationship breakdown is money problems. If you are short of money, when Christmas comes along it’s like having your nose rubbed into your misery. All around you see people spending money like there is no tomorrow while you and your partner are arguing over basic expenditure.
The problem with Christmas is that we often have expectations that are too high and if we don’t have a wonderful time we feel somehow that we are failures.
So, how can we avoid a visit to a divorce lawyer in January?
First of all, agree a budget. If there’s no money, there’s no money. Avoid blaming each other for the situation you are in because it really doesn’t help. Talk to each other in a calm, civilized and respectful way. If you can’t do that, you’re heading for the rocks.
Secondly, decide how you are going to spend Christmas Day and New Year well in advance and be fair to your partner. If you spent last year at your parents’ house then, obviously, it’s reasonable this year to visit the in-laws’ place.
Next, share all the preparation. At this time of year the burden usually falls extra heavily on women. So, boys, roll up your sleeves and get in that kitchen. In fact, why not go the whole hog and tell your wife to put her feet up and watch a couple of DVDs while you do the cooking? And girls, even if he cremates the turkey, give him an A+ for effort.
Finally, decide what YOU really want to do this Christmas and what would make Christmas a happy occasion for YOU.
Every year, my mum would spend hours preparing and cooking a turkey that never got eaten and it caused her to get really depressed about Christmas cooking. Finally, we agreed that everybody would choose one favorite, easy to make dish and that would be our Christmas meal. The year we started doing that made such a difference to the atmosphere at home. The food took a couple of hours to prepare, everyone enjoyed eating it, and for the first time, my mum actually spends most of Christmas day relaxing and enjoying herself. The tension that had ruined many previous occasions has disappeared and now we actually look forward to Christmas instead of dreading it.
So, to sum up. If you want a happy Christmas this year talk to each other and agree a plan. And keep talking! In fact, you could make that your New Year’s resolution, “Next year I will consult my other half about everything”.
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